A Letter To Dan Brown

Dear Mr. Brown,

I am writing to you as I begin chapter 16 of your latest novel, Inferno. I am writing you to ask that this book be great.

I want you to understand, I am a fan. I first discovered you when I read Angels & Demons way back in the day (the day, in this case, being before The Da Vinci Code was published). I instantly fell in love with Robert Langdon (as a friend) and this genre which had been undiscovered by me before that time. I loved the intense action and suspense mixed with the history, art, and architecture. I immediately went out and bought everything you’d written. Ok, maybe not “anything”, I have not read any of your term papers from college. I did, however, pick up Digital Fortress and Deception Point.

Deception Point proved to me that you were an author I wanted to keep reading (something Keith Ablow has yet been able to prove to me). Digital Fortress was weak, but I gave it the benefit of the doubt because it was your first novel. Then I dove into The Da Vinci Code. Oh boy, was I excited! Another Robert Langdon novel, pure bliss! By the time I had finished the book I was completely and utterly underwhelmed. This was not the hero promised to me by his previous adventure. This was a boring, sleeper of a novel. My heart sank.

Then, I rejoiced as it was announced that Robert Langdon would symbologize again! And this time in our nation’s capitol! How could this not be amazing?! I’ll tell you how: it could be The Lost Symbol. Oh, Mr. Brown, how far you’d fallen. There was no true suspense, there were no fun characters, there wasn’t even a believable, frightening villain. I finished it only out of need. What need? A certain, OCD-type mentality that urges me to continue buying material put out by artists that no longer live up to their own name.

I did it with Live until they broke up (thank goodness). I did it with Michael Crichton even after all his novels became first drafts for screenplays (thankfully, he died [before you ruffle your feathers, I’m kidding]). And now, I’m doing it with you. Fifteen chapters down and I’m so far, impressed. It has all the things that made Angels & Demons great: Italy, great Rennaisance artists, a beautiful woman with an elderly mentor, a powerful bomb (I think) hidden in a cavern, a shadowy villain, and a blood-thirsty killer thrown off their mark by a stumbling art historian; I’m ready to believe in Langdon again.

So far, though, the book has all the things that made the last two unbearable: great artists, a beautiful woman with an elderly mentor, a powerful _____ with Earth shattering consequences, a shadowy villain, and a blood-thirsty killer thrown off their mark by a stumbling art historian; you beast, you’re going to do it to me again, aren’t you?!

Just, promise me it gets better?

 

Sincerely,

A Fan

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3 thoughts on “A Letter To Dan Brown

  1. I tried to listen to the audiobook but didn’t get very far because of the dialogue. Whenever I read terrible dialogue I would always kind of read fast and get through it–without realizing it. When the reader of the audiobook read the dialogue he dramatized it, slowing it down, drawing out and accenting every line, and it was awkward. Remember the first exchange between Langdon and Sienna in the hospital? Read this out loud. Make Langdon sound like Batman and Sienna sound like a one of the Monty Pythons dressed as a woman.

    Langdon: Where am I!
    Sienna: You just need your rest.
    Langdon: Where am I!
    Sienna: Just wait here
    Langdon: Where am I!
    Sienna: You just rest.
    (pause)
    Langdon: Damn it!
    Sienna: You just rest now.
    Langdon: Where am I!

    I made most of that up I think, but why should that spoil my point?

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